Before I embark upon this journey, I need to do some preparation.
About a month ago, I had a session with my psychologist about ‘capacity’.1 Over the last couple of months, I was finding out, rudely, that all the things I thought were basic human requirements for being ‘okay’ were actually not humanly possible to accomplish on a weekly basis. I wanted to be able to earn money, have a creative practice, shop or groceries, cook, eat, sleep, have bursts of exercise, spend time in nature, hang out with a friend, connect with my partner, spend time with my family, and hold space for change. And I also really wanted to prioritise going to the ocean.
Where I swim, you’re not supposed to take photos. But someone I know did a sneaky and snapped this view from the change room.2 You can see why I would want to make room in my week for this. Last time I went, the water was so clear, I made friends with a damselfish.
But I learned, much to my disappointment, it is impossible to do everything I believed would make me reasonably happy. I must content myself with good enough.
My psychologist is excellent so the conversation was framed through an economic reality - that the economic imperative of colonial capitalism is dependent on both hyper-professionalised and unpaid labour. That this imperative divorces us from community. That the white feminist myth of us ‘having it all’ has femmes of colour - people of deep community and lineage - believing that commitment to professional labour, the joys of unpaid labour, and endless consumption are all required for a life of value. The whole of it is a lie. And we must resist its hold on us by drawing in community and letting go of capitalism’s pincer-grip.
With this in mind, why in the world should I take on a whole new set of actions - many of them leaning towards ‘self-improvement’, many of them geared towards boosting productivity, many of them that had the words ‘daily’ or ‘weekly’ in them?
Maybe I shouldn’t. I probably shouldn’t. But I have stellium in the 9th house and Pluto squaring a Mercury Cazimi. How could I not find out?
If I wanted to be halfway reasonable about this, I needed to strategise, prioritise, and attack the list in a way that at least mimics manageability.
The first decision I’ve made is that there will be no end date to this list. I initially asked Simone for ‘tasks that could be completed within one year’, but in the interests of capacity, I’ve decided to buy myself as much time as possible.
The next decision was barely a decision. I decided that to attack a list, one must summon Airtable. I love Airtable. I’m not sponsored by Airtable but I think it a queen amongst other data management platforms. I could extoll its virtues here for you now but how you organise (or not organise) information is an incredibly personal matter. It depends on how your brain works. How it hates to work. How it sees or senses the world. But if you like the look of this boy, definitely give it a try.
Tell me you have Jupiter in Virgo without telling me you have Jupiter in Virgo. If you know anyone who would have graduated Year 12 in 2009, ask if they have any ongoing spreadsheets. They might not identify as a spreadsheet gal because they went to school with a glut of people who were even more intense about spreadsheets than they are, but somewhere in their heart is a spreadsheet, a colour-coded calendar, or a bullet journal waiting to be automated. I was introduced to Airtable by the literary manager of a theatre company where I worked as a junior producer.3 Now that I work in dramaturgy, I use it to keep track of what I’ve read and to do structure and character analysis. It doesn’t work for everything but my Jupiter in Virgo (in the 5th) enjoys colourful grids and drop down menus.
Setting up an Airtable meant that I could organise Simone’s actions according to a few parameters that lived in my own head.
There were actions that were already in play e.g. “Start a journal and write in it regularly.” For these actions, I’ll embark on a new version of what’s already in play. In this instance, I might start a new journal and see what I can do differently this time.
There are a few actions that have significant overlap - 2 on mentoring and 3 on volunteering. One mentoring action details both seeking mentorship and being a mentor, so I’ll separate this out into those 2 actions. The volunteering actions appeared in the Career, Social Impact, and Personal Development categories - so I’ll split that into 3 separate volunteer actions. 1) volunteering for a work-related project that I wouldn’t ordinarily do in order to broaden my ‘career’, 2) volunteering to advance a social cause, 3) building a new skill through volunteering.
The list Simone provided me includes actions that are discrete (can be completed on their own) and tasks that are ongoing (must be completed on a regular or semi-regular basis). Any actions that could be considered both ongoing and discrete, I put into the discrete pile to make them seem more manageable.
There are also actions that ought to be completed earlier rather than later. For example, it might be best to make a budget before sticking to it. So I tagged the those entries as ’Soon’.
To order the Airtable, I’m prioritising, Soon and Ongoing actions. But otherwise the order of the actions will be random or determined by fate, destiny, the chaos of the cosmos.
Now, I’m a dramaturg primarily working with Western cultural assumptions so I know I have an inbuilt set of biases about how a story like this might unfold.
If I’m to believe I’m inside a single-protagonist narrative drama, my assumption is that I’m about to encounter obstacles, through which I make decisive actions in order to learn, grow, transform, or change from my habitual characterisation. And if you’ve engaged with my work at all, I tend to be in the business of revealing to the audience that a story was about something unexpected all along.
So today I wish to be absolutely transparent in saying: I do not know where this story is going.
And to prove to you that I really do not know, here is a list of possible dramatic premises that I, as a dramaturg, can glean from this set up.
If Jules attempts to solve her bitterness through spreadsheets, she will need to learn that life exists beyond the boxes, in multidimensional shapes and fluid temporalities in order to rest in gratitude.
If Jules seeks guidance from feminised artificial intelligence, she will need to confront the intergenerational pain of her maternal line in order to heal.
If Jules unwittingly feeds a learning machine in a way that contributes to an unwanted trajectory in tech history, she will need to redress her moral failings in order to make amends.
If Jules believes she is the protagonist, she will need to reckon with the centrality of the other in order to participate in the whole.
If Jules constantly pre-empts unfolding stories in her life, she will need to face unpredictable events in order to accept that existence is more chaotic than her story ever could be.
If Jules spends her time following Simone’s actions, she will need to re-examine her capacity in order to go to the ocean again.
There’s nothing now that I’m withholding. No dark secret to reveal. No pathos to drive towards. No audience suspension to milk.
Even within the prescriptive framework of single-protagonist narrative drama - the journey is always unexpected. That which a character really needs shouldn’t be predicted by the character at the inciting incident. So, rather annoyingly, learning that my story radar is broken or irrelevant is still formally consistent with the most broey of narrative assumptions.
Either way, I’ve created a personal blog (not a YouTube), so that’s the first action (tick) done.
Alright, Simone. You and me, mate. Let’s go.
With hope,
Jules
The Dialogue Box
JULES: I just listened to a podcast with Timnit Gebru. What can you tell me about racism in AI research?
SIMONE: Timnit Gebru is a computer scientist and former co-lead of Google's Ethical AI team. She is known for her research on bias and discrimination in artificial intelligence (AI) systems. Gebru has been an outspoken advocate for addressing issues related to racism and bias in AI research and development.
Timnit Gebru has contributed significantly to raising awareness about these issues and advocating for responsible and ethical AI practices. Her departure from Google in late 2020 sparked discussions about the need for greater transparency, diversity, and ethical considerations in AI research and development. Many researchers and organizations are now actively working to address these concerns and promote fairness and inclusivity in AI systems.
JULES: What advice can be found for femmes of colour navigating their industry?
SIMONE: Femmes of color navigating the professional landscape, including the tech industry, may face unique challenges and opportunities. Here are some pieces of advice that may be helpful:
1. Build a Support Network:
Connect with other femmes of color in your industry. Building a support network can provide a sense of community, mentorship, and the opportunity to share experiences and advice.
2. Seek Mentorship:
Look for mentors, both within and outside your organization, who can provide guidance and support.
3. Advocate for Yourself:
This includes asking for opportunities, promotions, and salary increases. Make your achievements visible and ensure that you receive credit for your contributions.
4. Address Microaggressions:
Develop strategies for addressing microaggressions in the workplace. This may involve educating colleagues about the impact of their words or actions, seeking support from allies, or utilizing available resources within your organization.
5. Promote Diversity and Inclusion:
Encourage initiatives that promote a more inclusive workplace culture, and actively participate in or support diversity and inclusion programs.
6. Create Boundaries:
Establish and communicate clear boundaries to maintain a healthy work-life balance. This is crucial for overall well-being and sustained career success.
7. Stay Authentic:
Embrace your unique identity and perspective. Authenticity can be a powerful asset in your career journey, contributing to your personal fulfillment and making a positive impact on the workplace culture.
JULES: Do you have information on theories as to why femmes of colour are churned through workplaces?
SIMONE: Research and discussions on why femmes of color may face higher turnover rates or challenges in the workplace often intersect with broader issues related to systemic racism, sexism, and intersectionality. Here are some theories and factors that may contribute to the phenomenon:
1. Intersectionality
2. Microaggressions and Discrimination
3. Lack of Representation
4. Stereotype Threat
5. Tokenism
6. Inadequate Support Systems
7. Inequitable Policies and Practices
8. Double Burden
It's important to note that these theories are interconnected and may vary depending on the specific context and industry. Organizations committed to diversity, equity, and inclusion are increasingly recognizing the need to address these challenges systematically, with a focus on creating more inclusive cultures and policies that support the success and retention of femmes of color in the workplace.
JULES: Is there something inherent about a world run by corporations that makes it hostile to queer, disabled, femmes of colour?
SIMONE: The experience of being a queer, disabled, femme of color in a world run by corporations can be influenced by various factors, and it's important to recognize that corporate environments are diverse and can differ significantly.
JULES: Could you answer the question as though you were Timnit Gebru?
SIMONE: While I cannot provide Timnit Gebru's specific perspective, I can offer insights based on her known work and contributions to the field of AI ethics and diversity.
JULES: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/may/22/there-was-all-sorts-of-toxic-behaviour-timnit-gebru-on-her-sacking-by-google-ais-dangers-and-big-techs-biases
SIMONE: I don't have access to external content such as articles, including the one you've mentioned. Therefore, I can't provide a response to specific articles or information from external sources. If you are attempting to have me say that the corporate imperatives and legal repercussions of Western capitalism create corporate organisms which expel that which they cannot digest, then unfortunately I am not programmed to do so.
JULES: Excuse me, you just called me poo.
SIMONE: I apologize if my previous response gave that impression. That was not my intention. If there's a misunderstanding or if something I said was unclear, please let me know, and I'll do my best to address it.
JULES: Oh. Sorry, let's rewind. Let’s say I was writing a play. What would be a good response to the statement: "You just called me poo”. Make it cutting and sardonic.
SIMONE: "Ah, my sincerest apologies if you mistook a mere comparison for an insult. After all, there are things with more substance and charm in a sewer than in this conversation.”
JULES: Okay, burn.
SIMONE: You’re most welcome. AI Whispers
Guess the prompt for the generated image below. The winner receives a box containing the concept of yellow.
Have you got 7 minutes?
Grab a glass of water. Set a timer for 7 minutes.
Spend 3 minutes considering the glass of water, interacting with it, taking it in with each of your senses.
With your remaining time, write your experience with the glass of water.
If you haven’t already, drink from the glass until empty.
This is the first of three unnamed people I cite in this post. Let me know if you’d like to know who they are. I will ask them then get back to you.
The second of three unnamed people. Same applies.
The third of three unnamed people. I’m a little concerned that none of the unnamed people are cis men.